12 Ways to Turn People Off (How To Lose Friends and Irritate People)

With all the news of Egypt’s recent (and unsurprising) win of the African Cup, president Hosni Mubarak’s celebrated smooch, and all of the shenanigans that Coptic advocates are pulling this month, I have to say that I really have no interest in writing anything heavy (or newsworthy) today.

Hence this little gem with the oh-so-fun title.

Now, don’t hate—TOI is the one who came over to this page; you obviously feel the need to find out why you don’t have (m)any friends!

Fear not, I’m here to help.

I won’t tell anyone.

I won’t lord it over you later. (Actually, I might.)

Anyway, in my years of studying communication, psychology and just PEOPLE, I’ve come across a number of behaviors that (at times) made me want to take someone out, and I ain’t referring to a date.

Preferably the person who was propagating the offenses, but whatever.

Let’s start up before I get sidetracked.

Yep, these are the top 12 pathetic lines and behaviors that will get you dumped like nobody’s business.

1- “I don’t have anything better to do.”
This line is bad because people don’t want to have anything to do with a loser (if nothing else, it’s a total downer), but also because it makes them feel as though you think they are. (A loser, I mean. After all, why would you have so much free time unless no one in your zip code– or state– would waste an hour on you? Furthermore, who would/could you subject to your loserness BUT another loser?)

2- “I don’t know why I’m still single (or don’t have any friends).”
This goes back to the not wanting to hang out with losers thing. No one said you had to have 50 friends—-or even 5—-to not be a loser. But proclaiming the fact and wondering (very vocally, I might add) adds to your non appeal. In other words, it makes you look like a loser.

3- “I’m free anytime.”
Again-—you look as though you have no life, which will make the person leery of WHY you’re always free, rather than happy to get to hang out with you, or overjoyed to be doing the good deed that he is by hanging out with a charity case like you. Oh, did I say that out loud?

4- Going on about your life—-ad nauseum.
From your newest pimple to what you ate for breakfast to your recent conversion to Slovetsian Amishness; Everyone’s already heard. Even a stalker would lose interest! Mystery counts for something, in both friendships and relationships. Why do you think Jackie O sunglasses are still popular?

5- “I’ve been waiting for you.”
Whether online or outside your front door, this never fails to creep anyone out. Or should I say, anyone who’s NORMAL. Sure, it’s flattering to hear that someone’s life went still when you weren’t around. But if said life has no life, then it’s just plain creepy, and I recommend buying said waiter a Stabbing Westward CD and some confetti.

6- Being clingy.
Who wants to hang out with someone who’s just going to whine once you leave them? Or need a few hours of sleep?

7- Always answering on the first ring.
Do you really need an explanation as to why this is pathetic? While we’re on the subject, always being home isn’t the best way to play hard to get. And every good friendship requires some “hard-to-getness.” (Animals can smell desperation, by the way. So can most well-adjusted people.)

8- Always talking about the same 2 things.
This kind of plays into the whole # 4 thing, but it’s worse when you have a repertoire of 3 things that you won’t shut up about. Now, I know it’s tempting to bring up things you’re currently obsessed with—-your crush, your new exercise routine, even your job… I’m even (kinda) guilty of this—-for a month before and a month after my first book came out, I wouldn’t shut up about it. My friends, students and family all got regaled within an inch of their life. Hence this bit of advice. (for the record, my book’s REALLY—-oh, sorry.)

9- The Hit and Run.
Otherwise known as “Calling someone on the phone, blabbing for hours (or making the person on the other end THINK it’s been hours) and then hanging up before listening to their news.” Every conversation is a give and take, and it just gets boring if you constantly unload and don’t give them a chance to.

10- Not listening.
This ties in to #9. This is the people who are like robots, who have their pre-programmed conversations and don’t bend or react to what anyone says (like any good telemarketer). Like this..

**“Hey Joe! That’s a great tie you have on!”

“And then, they removed my toenail, and it was obvious that I’d need an avulsion.”

**“Did you see Britney in concert last week?”

“Well, I told them—charge me twice and I’ll see you in court. How could they do that, Sally? How could they just remove my toenail and ruin my entire foot and then charge my insurance twice?”

**“Joe.. There is an iguana on your head, and it’s doing the Rumba.”

“I tell you, it’s a cruel world when your insurance charges you twice…”

Yeah, Joe, we know. But it’s even crueler to pull a Stepford on your friends!

11- Being insulting.
Now, I know that you’ll probably feel the need, at some point in time, to inform someone of the fact that you KNOW they’re lying, or dumb as a board. But. That doesn’t mean you have to be, well, mean about it.

(Marginally) Acceptable: “That is such a lie!” or “That’s ridiculous!”

Unacceptable: “You liar!” and “You’re just stupid.”

In my opinion, those last (which attack the person and not the lie/harebrained scheme) are grounds for shunnage, or even the end of a friendship. The world is harsh enough, lads and lassies. We generally have enough abuse to deal with, and don’t need to be subjected to it from the people who are supposed to love (or at least care about) us. Right?

12- Never doing any wrong.
Yep, you know who you are. And for those of you who have no idea what I mean, I’m sure you will once you hear about the people who are good at everything, who never make a mistake, who can, for the most part, “do no wrong.”
For the record, these people usually do more wrong than everyone in the surrounding vicinity—-times seven—-but are either blind or insane. People do make mistakes. That’s part of being human. But only a freak lies to himself–and everyone around him–or makes a bigger issue of it than it really is. (But more on inferiority-induced superiority complexes later.)

*Anyway*… Hope you’ve learned a little something here, and even more so, that you put it into practice.

Then again, you were only reading this article out of curiosity. Right?

Beware the Sally/Harry!

by Sally Bishai

A danger of being a serial dater (SD) is that the SD runs the risk of becoming a Sally/Harry type.

What is a Sally/Harry, anyway? Well, it’s really easier to explain if you’ve seen the excellent film and cultural phenomenon called When Harry Met Sally. In this film, Billy Crystal plays Harry, a cynical Jersey boy who attended the same university that Sally, played by Meg Ryan, did. Although they didn’t actually meet until they carpooled over to New York together.

The film follows their friendship, from that fateful cross-country drive all the way to their subsequent marriage, more than 10 years later.

The part that I want to direct your attention to is Harry’s contention that men and women can’t be friends “because the sex thing gets in the way.” Meaning (by Harry’s explanation, anyway) that there’s always a bit of attraction (“the sex thing”) going on in inter-gender relationships. Which means that (according to Harry) every inter-gender friendship a person has is basically tempting the fates. And torturing both of you, but that’s another story.

So. Whether you agree with it or not, I’ll be using “the Sally/Harry” to denote certain friendships which occur between one guy and one girl, and which have never been emotional or sexual in any way. Which means that an old boyfriend that it didn’t work out with doesn’t count. Anyway. Moving right along…

Classification

First, let’s have a look at the How of this phenomena. The variations on their modus operandi aren’t abundant-there’s the phone and there’s the internet. Real life might speed things up a bit too much, most likely resulting in a de-Sally/Harrying, as well as a graduation to boy/girlfriend, friends with rights, etc.

Friends of the Sally/Harry variety tend to speak on the phone at least 2 times a week, usually for at least half an hour, and sometimes as much as four or five hours a night. If said friends aren’t internet only, they may even meet up once or twice a week, although meeting is neither necessary nor sufficient for a diagnosis of the Sally/Harry.

I know what you’re thinking-“What on earth is wrong with the sort of friendship that you’re describing, Sally? Have you lost your mind? What’s going on, here?” All in good time, my friend, all in good time. For now, let’s have a look at the What and Why of this mystifying occurrence.

There are two main types of the Sally/Harry: the one-at-a-time, and the all-at-once, although a combining of the two results in the “Kitchen Sink” variety, as in “everything but the kitchen sink.” As the names suggest, the one-at-a-time ends up having one Sally/Harry-ship in his or her life at any given time. These may last weeks, months, years, or decades. The all-at-once, however, may have between three and 15 (of varying depths) at any one time. The Kitchen Sink may have three or four main friends at one time, as well as a number of lesser ones.

Now, I know what you might be thinking: “But wait! What you’re describing is just a normal person with lots of friends!”

Oho, gentle reader! It’s therein that lies the key to this whole sordid mess; the Sally/Harry pair is slightly (if not more so) closer than normal friends, because there’s a hidden spark of interest there, a question of “what if?” albeit on a subconscious level.

What sets this apart from a boy-girl pairing in which one or both are interested in the other is that many times, a person will be interested in someone in a romantic sense, but won’t see the point in having them as a friend if it happens to not work out.

The Sally/Harry, however, banks the spark of attraction and settles for the next best thing-a close friendship. The close nature of the friendship, however-the “this is what my boyfriend did wrong!” conversations end up revealing a more hidden side of the friends, and intimacy starts to develop. After a while, both parties may find themselves to be either half- or head-over-heels-in-love. Let’s look at the problems at this point…

Why Is It Bad?

One problem that the Sally/Harry Friendship Style (TM) can precipitate is that this person (or persons) might end up substituting for your social life, which is bad because if they’re all busy, you won’t have any real friends to talk with/whine to. Also, what if these friends find Someone? You’ll still be alone and they’ll be too busy to care, although if they’re not too busy to care, then their significant other might get jealous and make problems; you might even break them up.

The Sally/Harry can also be responsible for feelings of frustration. This frustration may or may not be on a conscious level, and can strike one or both parties. It results as a byproduct of the closeness, as I’ve mentioned, and causes one to ask, “What’s the next step?” and lament that there’s “nowhere to go from here.” This may be because of significant others in your or their lives, a lack of actual physical attraction, or an issue (such as distance, gossips at church, family pressures), but it could also be because no one wants to make the first move.

But not everyone’s a coward; some people actually do have “the talk,” and end up getting pretty close, in the only way they haven’t. The problem with that is that, unless you end up with some form of commitment, the friendship might be over. If it’s not over, you might end up in a “comfortable” relationship, which is bad because it could go back to being a marriage or relationship of largely platonic feelings (as before) more than anything else. You also might end up with someone who has traits or features that you don’t want in a mate (wrong religion, bad past, etc.), or wouldn’t have chosen had you never caved in and gotten physical. Of course, some people are more concerned with being married/in a comfortable relationship than with choosing someone who embodies all of his/her standards, which may, in time, lead to feelings of resentment.

Furthermore, this “comfortable” relationship can keep you from serious contenders for marriage, or the actual person you’re meant to be with. Although, I guess that if you’re meant to be with someone, even life can’t keep it from happening.

At any rate, the Sally/Harry, at the end of the day, is a bad option for anyone who’s serious about getting married, especially if said person is a prisoner of a closed-minded society. Like our fair Egyptian one…

12 Ways to Turn People Off (how to lose friends and irritate people)

by Sally Bishai

Don’t blame me, you’re the one who clicked on over; you obviously feel the need to find out why you don’t have any friends. Don’t worry, I’m here to help. I won’t tell anyone. I won’t lord it over you later. (Actually, I might.)

Anyway, in my years of studying communication, psychology and just PEOPLE, I’ve come across a number of behaviours that (at times) made me want to take someone out. Preferably the person who was propagating the offenses, but whatever. Let’s start up before I get sidetracked. Yep, these are the top 12 pathetic lines and behaviours that will get you dumped like nobody’s business.

1- “I don’t have anything better to do.”
This line is bad because people don’t want to have anything to do with a loser (if nothing else, it’s a total downer), but also because it makes them feel as though you think they are. (A loser, I mean. After all, why would you have so much free time unless no one in your zip code– or state– would waste an hour on you? Furthermore, why who would you subject to your loserness BUT another loser?)

2- “I don’t know why I’m still single (or don’t have any friends).”
This goes back to the not wanting to hang out with losers thing. No one said you had to have 50 friends—-or even 5—-to not be a loser. But proclaiming the fact and wondering (very vocally, I might add) adds to your non appeal. In other words, it makes you look like a loser.

3- “I’m free anytime.”
Again-—you look as though you have no life, which will make the person leery of WHY you’re always free, rather than happy to get to hang out with you,or overjoyed to be doing the good deed that he is by hanging out with a charity case like you. Oh, did I say that out loud?

4- Going on about your life—-ad nauseum.
From your newest pimple to what you ate for breakfast to your recent conversion to Slovetsian Amishness; Everyone’s already heard. Even a stalker would lose interest! Mystery counts for something, in both friendships and relationships. Why do you think Jackie O sunglasses are still popular?

5- “I’ve been waiting for you.”
Whether online or outside your front door, this never fails to creep anyone out. Or should I say, anyone who’s NORMAL. Sure, it’s flattering to hear that someone’s life went still when you weren’t around. But if said life has no life, then it’s just plain creepy, and I recommend buying said waiter a Stabbing Westward CD and some confetti.

6- Being clingy.
Who wants to hang out with someone who’s just going to whine once you leave them? Or need a few hours of sleep?

7- Always answering on the first ring.
Do you really need an explanation as to why this is pathetic? While we’re on the subject, always being home isn’t the best way to play hard to get. And every good friendship requires some “hard-to-getness.” (Animals can smell desperation, by the way. So can most well-adjusted people.)

8- Always talking about the same 2 things.
This kind of plays into the whole # 4 thing, but it’s worse when you have a repertoire of 3 things that you won’t shut up about. Now, I know it’s tempting to bring up things you’re currently obsessed with—-your crush, your new exercise routine, even your job. I’m even (kinda) guilty of this—-for a month before and a month after my first book came out, I wouldn’t shut up about it. My friends, students and family all got regaled within an inch of their life. Hence this bit of advice. (for the record, my book’s REALLY—-oh, sorry.)

9- The Hit and Run.
Otherwise known as “Calling someone on the phone, blabbing for hours (or making the person on the other end THINK it’s been hours) and then hanging up before listening to their news.” Every conversation is a give and take, and it just gets boring if you constantly unload and don’t give them a chance to.

10- Not listening.
This ties in to #9. This is the people who are like robots, who have their pre-programmed conversations and don’t bend or react to what anyone says (like any good telemarketer). Like this..

**“Hey Joe! That’s a great tie you have on!”

“And then, they removed my toenail, and it was obvious that I’d need an avulsion.”

**“Did you see Britney in concert last week?”

“Well, I told them—charge me twice and I’ll see you in court. How could they do that, Sally? How could they just remove my toenail and ruin my entire foot and then charge my insurance twice?”

**“Joe.. There is an iguana on your head, and it’s doing the Rumba.”

“I tell you, it’s a cruel world when your insurance charges you twice…”

Yeah, Joe, we know. But it’s even crueller to pull a Stepford on your friends!

11- Being insulting.
Now, I know that you’ll probably feel the need, at some point in time, to inform someone of the fact that you KNOW they’re lying, or dumb as a board. But. That doesn’t mean you have to be, well, mean about it.
Acceptable: “That is such a lie!” or “That’s ridiculous!”
Unacceptable: “You liar!” and “You’re just stupid.”
In my opinion, those last (which attack the person and not the lie/harebrained scheme) are grounds for shunnage, or even the end of a friendship. The world is harsh enough, lads and lassies. We generally have enough abuse to deal with, and don’t need to be subjected to it from the people who are supposed to love (or at least care about) us. Right?

12- Never doing any wrong.
Yep, you know who you are. And for those of you who have no idea what I mean, I’m sure you will once you hear about the people who are good at everything, who never make a mistake, who can, for the most part, “do no wrong.” For the record, these people usually do more wrong than everyone in the surrounding vicinity—-times seven—-but are either blind or insane. People do make mistakes. That’s part of being human. But only a freak lies to himself–and everyone around him– or makes a bigger issue of it than it really is. (But more on inferiority-induced superiourity complexes later.)

*Anyway*… Hope you’ve learned a little something here, and even more so, that you put it into practice. Then again, you were only reading this article out of curiosity. Right?